Reflections on Work, Life, and the Dregs of Summer

[this post was primarily written on 9/6/24, but amended and posted later]

There are about a million things I could and maybe should be working on right now rather than making my return to the blogosphere. So many things I can hardly remember what they are or what's the most important. Instead of waking up early to get a jump on all that work, I let myself sleep. Instead of running out the door to pay for coffee, a cookie, and a place to work for a few hours while I inevitably made myself sick with screen time and too much caffeine, I stayed home. I made a lazy little breakfast of tomato on toasted baguette. I sat outside and ate and let my mind wander to all the same places it's been going for the last few days. I cleaned up the kitchen and made a cup of coffee so familiarly sweet and rich it made me consider shedding a little tear. 

I suppose my first month of unemployment hasn't been as restful as one might expect. It started with a solid two weeks of being extremely and mysteriously sick. Then the literal moment I felt good enough, I sped off to Wheeling, where I spent 4.5 delightful days with my friends. While mentally/emotionally I was more relaxed there than I had been in weeks if not months, physically it was...less than restful. I had one day at home before jetting off to New Orleans for another 4 days for a bachelorette weekend, followed by about a day in Richmond. Then 2 days off to prep for a job interview and my sister, her fiancé, and his parents coming, during which I got mysteriously sick again. Then all those house guests for about 4 days, and the morning they leave, I raced back up to Wheeling for a second interview and a day or two with my friends. That brings us up to this morning, so I suppose it's not shocking that all I want is to rest a bit at home and soak in the littlest joys life has to offer me. 

The amount of joy and comfort I'm getting this morning from late summer yellow tomatoes grown by friends, this little cup of coffee and this cool and breezy September morning is a little astounding to me. It makes me think of the swimming I'd still like to squeeze in before fall comes; of walks with Luna; of calling/seeing my dearest friends just to catch up; of the feelings brought on by music that seems to speak to me so specifically. These are some of the things I love most in life. They are so small, but so important to me. And I think about them when I consider what job I should take next. I will assume everyone reading this has heard about my interview this week for a job that would ask me to do a LOT. Too much. [Actually, I know several of you readers decidedly have not heard about this but I don't feel like explaining it here. Call me!] Yes it's a salaried farming position. No, I don't know what my other options are. And I'm not saying whether or not I think I'll take it, but I do know that I'm not willing to take any job that asks me to give up too much of my personal life. And actually, I've been thinking about that phrase "personal life" lately, and the idea of "work-life balance." This is likely also influenced by the fact that I've just read approximately half a chapter of How to Do Nothing, but I'm feeling like pushing back on these ideas in some way. I guess  I just feel like all of it is life and all of it should be good and fulfilling and meaningful and it shouldn't all revolve around the jobs we do. I wish I could formulate all these thoughts better right now, but I think these are things I'll need to sit with for a while to really figure out what I'm trying to say. 

These changing seasons also have me caught in a weird place of simultaneously wanting to simply rest and sit and soak in the last of summer and also wanting to run around and do as much as I can to make the most of these final days. Is that latter idea a product of capitalism or something? Idk. Because both ideas are trying to answer the same question of how to best enjoy the ending of a season. And the first approach, of savoring it with no particular emphasis on doing anything somehow seems a lot more taboo to me than the latter idea of doing as much as humanly possible before it's gone. I don't know what I'll do or what is right but this is something on my mind this morning. 

Relatedly, a song I've been listening to a lot lately says "seasons bring changes, and changes bring growth, but my shoes fit just right and I don't want another coat." And....relatable. 

Bits & Pieces

• On one of my stints out of town my parents decided to make some changes to the house, including subtly (it took me like 5 tries to spell that when I'm being most honest) switching out the picture frames I used in part of this year's Mother's Day gift. To be fair, it was a last minute scramble and I ended up with pretty crummy frames from the dollar general, but still funny she felt the need to replace them when I was finally gone for a couple days. 
• I'm feeling annoyed by how much I'm liking Odie Leigh's "Carrier Pigeon" album, as recommended by one Corbin "Tank Engine" Lanker. Only annoyed because I've listened to it so many times in the last 3 days and I'm not sick of it, but I know I'm going to be, and also because it makes me think of dating and falling in love and all the in between and to be honest I don't really want to spend my time thinking about all that right now yet here I am!!! 
• Speaking of that, I did recently make a dating profile !! I immediately put it on pause to be used at a later date if I so choose, but it's there! 
• Today I made the first big purchase that really says, "I'm really an adult getting my own place and moving soon hopefully!!" in the form of a mattress! It's one of those weird internet mattresses that comes in a box (where it will stay until I actually have a house (and bed frame) to put it in), but it was half off so I had to. 
• Luna has recently made a second hole for sitting in the backyard, which makes me really think I need to get us a house with a yard when we move, BUT also makes me think maybe we can't be trusted with a yard because she's just going to want to dig little luna shaped holes in it....ugh so many decisions to make, priorities to weigh, etc! 
• I recently found a great hack for when you're trying to save money and also happen to live with your parents which is that, every time they leave the house and ask if you need anything, you ask for one or two grocery items. By the end of the week, you still don't have a complete grocery list but you get by! 

Ok that's all for now! I hope to return to some consistency in the blogosphere, so keep checking back for more ramblings soon!