my sister got married last night

 My sister got married last night. My beautiful, charming, funny, loving, strong, brilliant, only sister got married. Last night. And as such it's put me in a mood where just about anything could and does bring tears to my eyes. Reading friends blog posts-- about travels and identity and style and aging and reflections-- brings tears to my eyes. And what I would almost rather be doing right now is watching last night's SNL-- I believe with an incredible pairing of host John Mulaney and musical guest Chappel Roan-- and unwinding and finally sleeping after a huge and busy week. But instead I feel like it's important to try to capture some of what I'm feeling. I've already written a journal entry and a note to my dear sister, and now, without even bothering to get my glasses, and with inexplicably trembling finger, I write this blog post. I don't know where it will go. 

there is something very special about having almost everyone that is near and dear to two people in the same place at the same time. it must be near impossible to have a wedding day that is not extremely beautiful when there is so much love present. 

I gave a speech last night where I read an excerpt from a journal entry nearly exactly 3 years old. and I've never been more nervous to speak. I had a strange experience where I was almost having tunnel vision and the encouraging shouts of friends sounded very far away. im glad I brought my messy scraps of paper up with me because surely I would've forgotten my words or lost the courage to say them through my tears. I was so nervous to be so vulnerable on such a large scale. and while at times I felt almost embarrassed after-- to have shared such deep and personal feelings of love-- I am happy I did. 

and I am so happy for my wise and witty older sister. even with the wave of emotions I am feeling tonight something in me will keep this post from getting tooooo cheesy, sappy, etc--or let me know in the comments if I have failed on this mission. I will say, to have my sister, who has also always been my best friend, be married, does feel strange. and I swear I feel a shift in the entirety of the cosmos. perhaps this is part of the divine mystery of marriage biblically described, and this is proof of the strength and realness of the covenant these two just made with god. and perhaps I am also just being a little dramatic in my human emotions. either way it's a big deal. 

the best man said it was nice to meet our family. he said he already liked my sister but this was really helping him understand her better. 

my college friends also felt like it was enlightening to lay eyes on so many of the relatives they've been hearing about all these years. they said it was easy to tell who was a clay. 

a lot of people asked about my tattoo and I need to find a shorter and better and realer way to answer. although it is accurate to simply say I really love butter. but it also is a reminder that I am my own person. that I can do what I want. that I can eat what I want. and that it reminds me of my friends in more ways than one. 

we stayed at a house in the mountains with highland cows outside. the sun coming up over the mountains woke us up in the mornings. it was beauty it was peace. 

if you can, get some kind of wedding coordinator. moms don't deserve to be so stressed on such beautiful and important days. if you can, don't let your little cousins rip branches off shrubbery at the reception venue to throw into the bonfire. or do. but know that the venue will threaten to keep your security deposit over it. if you can, get high life rather than miller lite. because no one will drink the miller lite. 

this is all I have to say for now. good night.